i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
