wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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