i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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