so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
