She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
