I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
