his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
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