We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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