I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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