New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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