with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
