I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
