I think im going to throw up on grandma
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
