Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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