i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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