I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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