I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think a kid would responsible me up
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
not ubering you a puppy
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