Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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