I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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