You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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