No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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