Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
