please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
