Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
