I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
