I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
