Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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