You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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