Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We need to feng shui this bitch.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
