Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
