if i can run in heels then i can drive
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
