OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
