just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
