As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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