It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
