Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Oh god it's open bar.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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