Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
