My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
