why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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