I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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