so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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