Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
