This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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