haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
