Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
