they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
