He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
