I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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