my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
