I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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