Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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