I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Everclear isn't food dammit
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
